Friday, April 10, 2009

the so called life of a part time model

there have been a few situations as of late that i think deserve a little attention...

i swear i turned the lock...

the facts you need to know:
* the girls bathroom on the first floor of the library is apparently one of the coolest places to be during a class change
* i refuse to sit on a toilet seat. i have perfected a hover position worth coveting.

the situation:
as i work in the library, sometimes it becomes necessary to use the restroom from time to time. i have some small reservations when it comes to using public bathrooms which include not sitting directly on the seat, never using the 2nd stall (it is the most used... seriously i read a study on it), never using a stall that looks like it has been recently used and never using a porta-potty unless i am camping. sometimes, however, these rules must be abandoned in order to help things run smoothly- and so it was earlier this week...
the entire library bathroom on the first floor was packed but i knew i had to get back to work so i simply took the only open stall right in the middle of the row. this, of course, breaks my rules already as i know someone just finished up in there. persevering, i assumed the hover position and entered my own little world where i think about what i have to do that day, where i wish i was instead of work, etc. i am sure you are all familiar with this alone time thinking. as i was finishing up, i raised my head and abruptly re-entered the real world as i found the stall door had somehow creaked its way wide open. yes- this means:
a: i didn't hear/feel/notice the door open so i have no idea how long it was open or how many people just witnessed the hover,
b: i immediately sat down so i could slam the door which broke another one of my rules,
c: made eye contact with at least 2 awkward girls in the process,
and d: laughed out loud for a few minutes before quietly walking out.
i swear i turned that lock...

the lingering swim burp...

the facts you need to know:
* my swim class is right after lunch
* there are 3 girls and 15 boys in the class
* we just upped the intensity in our workouts and it is kicking everyone's butts

the situation:
as the workouts heighten and the class comes back to the wall for a short rest after a few sprint exercises- something strange always happens. maybe it is all the water filling various facial cavities or the fact that the class is mostly boys and they feel as though they are amongst kin, but for some reason the amount of burps in class has multiplied exponentially. these burps aren't the loud, obnoxious ones... but rather the gassy, stench-filled silent killers full of the potent odor of whatever the boy happened to eat for lunch that day. they spread like cholera and linger around all thick in the air. my new favorite game, which has been forced upon me, is 'guess what that kid had for lunch today.' my usual guesses are: totino's pizza, some sort of chimichanga, or cool ranch doritos. why can't one of them have strawberries or a nice mint brownie for a change. i would much rather smell those burps. despite wearing goggles and a swim cap- i have perfected the 'something stinks and it is probably you' face. i am hoping they start to realize i am on to them. turns out though... a case of the burps is normal?

part-time models

the facts you need to know:
* my aunt lynette manages the christopher and banks store at gateway mall.
* they are now required to do fashion shows at her store once a quarter
* we love helping out family

the situation:
cade and i went home last weekend for conference, reunions, baby births and so on. i wasn't really planning on having a life changing experience but then i get a call from my agent/mom who says that due to an unforeseen kidney stone in one of the other models, i had been selected to model at the c&b fashion show with her! hot dog!
after explaining to cade that my aunt needed my help, he couldn't stop singing that part-time model song and he made it sound all important and cool while explaining it to his parents. admittedly, after a really awkward young women's fashion show i participated in when i was 12, i had sworn events like this off. but realizing my grammy, mom and aunt were all going to be there, i just couldn't pass up the opportunity to take part in something so potentially entertaining.
we showed up at the store, picked out our outfits, ate a plate of lemon bars, took a few pictures and then it was show time. lynette was on the karaoke machine with some cool tunes bumping in the background while the rest of us walked up and down the store- strutting our stuff. yes, this actually happened. there was a fair amount of people in the store shopping and most of them stopped and watched the fashion show- but some people didn't get it. my mom did a great job on the runway but while strutting her stuff some clueless lady approach her and ask to get into a fitting room. hello?! don't you know she is a part-time model? you can't carry around keys to a fitting room in an outfit like this, sweetie!! and then she gave the over-the-shoulder pose.

despite feeling awkward and such, we still had a great time. i don't think my career as a part-time model is taking off any time soon... but grammy's potential is sky high!

truly there have been some awkward situations as of late- but just wait until i get the pictures of cade's most recent scotsman dog eating contest uploaded. you are all in for a treat.


Leslea said...

laughing out loud!

Ceci and Steven said...

Oh Ashley, how I LOVE YOU!! The first story reminded me of the old Ashley I know the one always having awkward funny situations happening...and then I would enjoy them!!
Love the model idea, you are one hot momma!!

Shafer and Lindsey said...

I can't tell you how much that bathroom story made me laugh, that's priceless! And, the lady asking a model on the runway for a dressing room, bwahaha!

Mackay Family said...

My favorite is the bathroom story! That is classic! The best part is that I can totally picture it all in my head right now! You look like you were a hot model! Thanks for the laughs!

Hewletts said...

I love those modeling ladies! Work it! Own it!

Jed, Nanc n' the boys! said...

Holy cow, I can picture the bathroom scene and I was laughing so hard. Only you ash can get away telling a story like that without grossing people out. Oh the talent.